So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
