Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
