I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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