maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
