Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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