I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
