We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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