i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
