Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
