I want to walk on stilts...naked
Farmville is her only friend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
