When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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