My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
