I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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