I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
