First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
