So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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