i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My cat gives me a boner
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
