I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
