If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Floor bacon is actually really good
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
