dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
