3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
