why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
