she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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