Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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