did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
