forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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