i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Never joke about your clitoris.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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