don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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