He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
high people should be assigned attendants
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
