I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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