Who wears a wallet chain?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
