last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's the barista slut.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
