...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
