well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
