i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
