Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
