yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
