And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
