My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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