she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
