he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
