He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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