She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
