she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
