New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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