Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
