You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
