I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
