I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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