Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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