P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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