Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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