We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
